Last summer I went out on a few dates with a guy who was pretty great. Smart, handsome, kind. On our second outing, I suggested we go to Shake Shack, one of my favorite date spots and generally thought of as one of the best burgers in the city. So I was really surprised when we were getting ready to go and I noticed he hadn’t finished his burger. Did he not like it? Who doesn’t love Shake Shack – I mean, it’s so good people are willing to stand in line for well over an hour for it! I was shocked! When I asked my date if he didn’t like the burger, he answered sheepishly that I was so fascinating to talk to that he forgot to eat.
It was one of the best compliments I have ever gotten. So of course, I found some arbitrary reason to stop seeing him.
It’s rather a long story, with another guy complicating the picture, but let’s just say that a choice had to be made and I did what I thought was right. But now when I think about how I arrived at my decision, I can’t help but laugh (and kinda cringe) at some of the reasons I used as factors against this, well, really good guy. And he was not alone. Here are my wall of shame reasons to stop seeing a guy over my years of dating:
-picking vanilla over chocolate ice cream (So bland, no passion.)
-not using a revolving door in the middle of a heat wave (Who needs an ozone layer anyway?)
-choosing to live outside of Manhattan or Brooklyn (Especially if the train goes above ground; you can’t get more outer borough than that.)
-taking me to a comedy club (I don’t even know why, really.)
-taking me to a starbucks (I think this one speaks for itself.)
-not drinking alcohol
-not drinking coffee
-being into salsa dancing
-telling me he doesn’t like to read (note to guys, you should at least pretend on this one, at least for the first couple dates!)
-using cutesy terms of endearment (ie poo-bear, bleh!)
– using “lol” too frequently (disclaimer, I’m allowed to use “omg” as much as I want, though.)
I know, I’m horrible. I also know I’m not alone in my tendency towards quick judgement (right?). I imagine that if I knew what guys were thinking, it would be even worse!
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if these little things we pick out as red flags are really excuses for simply not being attracted the person (maybe none of these guys was the one for me), or if we’re perpetually doomed to find flaws in everyone. Are we just not being open enough, or is it okay to hold out until someone comes along whose flaws are endearing, not annoying?
For what it’s worth, I’ve often been on the receiving end of this as well. Once, a guy dumped me for being a vegetarian. Then a few years later, after I turned into an omnivore, I was dumped for being a meat-eater. Can’t win either way…
Oh well, at least for a little while longer I can live off the glow that for one guy out there, I was better than Shake Shack. I mean, how many women can say that?
Half way...where? 